Have you ever thought to yourself, “stop the world I want to get off”? I think we all have at some point, it’s a sensation I’ve experienced many times but at the end of 2015 it was a sentiment that I could not shake. I was going through a lot in my personal life, too many decisions too scary to make, people putting me in horrid positions and I was drowning. Fast.
I shared this feeling with an online friend of mine, I told him, “if someone gave me a button and told me that pressing it would make me disappear. I’d push it in a heartbeat.” Well, that friend gave me the button.
My family weren’t all too understanding when I announced I was leaving the country and wouldn’t be back for two months. After much frustration and explaining they finally started to understand why I needed to do this.
I’m almost at the end of my break from reality and I’m starting to realise how important this whole experience has been for me. For starters I’ve had some incredible experiences like discovering pumpkin pie! I got to meet one of my closest friends in the flesh as well as all his lovely family and friends.
Being this far from my family and friends has made me realise how much I love them and how important they are to me. I vow to never take them for granted and to make sure they fully know the depth of my love for them. They got me through some really dark moments last year and they’ve shared all the excitement I’ve had on this side of the Atlantic.
Then there’s my beautiful partner. Long distance, very long distance, is a true test of any relationship. It’s been tough but I feel even more love and respect for him now and I’m overwhelmed by how lucky I am to have such an amazing man in my life.
I’m learning to let go of insecurity and worry. To stop letting others dictate my worth and to embrace who I truly am. To accept that I don’t have the answers to the big questions, that I probably never will and that there’s nothing wrong with that.
Lastly I’ve realised that fear is not a bad thing. It’s natural and instead of running from situations that cause me fear, I have to chase them and push through. I’ll become a stronger person from doing so.
When I arrived here I felt broken and lost. I’m coming home feeling so much strength, love, peace and excitement. I’m ready to come back to Earth.