You know that lovely purple diary you just bought yourself? Well I would like you to turn to todays date and write, domestic disaster! What on Earth happened to you? You’re handy in a kitchen, you know your way around a wooden spoon but today!? Oh today you made a mockery of everything Delia Smith stands for!
There was the pumpkin pie, which of course was not a pumpkin pie at all but was in fact a butternut squash pie. It took you at least forty whole minutes to peel, de-seed and dice the thing nearly loosing a couple of digits in the process. I have no idea how long it took for you to turn the damned thing into a puree, “push the cooked squash through a sieve,” the recipe made it sounds so breezy, so simple. You pushed and pushed that squash till your arms turned into tired useless dangly things hanging by your sides. Your efforts got you roughly one tablespoon worth of puree! Yes, yes the pie eventually turned out nice and was a hit with everyone but no, it was not worth the blood, sweat or tears.
Egg nog, seemed simple enough and with Martha Stewarts guidance how could you go wrong? Easily, is the answer to that question. Everything was going so well, you separated the eggs, you heated the milk, you’d even got a bit brave and added some spices of your own accord. You got cocky, you left the pan for a moment, distracted by Big Hero 6. Upon your return you found the egg nog was simmering! It was simmering! Horror of horror Martha warned you of this and ta-da the egg nog is no longer a smooth, silky, indulgent treat but is in fact creamy, cinnamon flavoured scrambled eggs. Everybody swore that it was still delicious but we know that was the rum talking.
Defeat upon defeat leaves you wary, you return to the old familiar recipes. Something easy, quesadillas! Nothing can go wrong there….you spoke too soon, you chop up the chillies and without thinking you lick your fingers. OWWW!! Your tongue is burning and you retreat to the couch, curled up in the foetal position you finally do something right, you call dominoes.
P.S The pie turned out pretty nice.